Hi there.... this site is still under construction so some of the pages are still missing and nothing is final

Diary

this page is a sort of online diary where i share my thoughts, feelings and interests... be warned that i will talk about topics that may trigger some people like self harm and other mental illness related things... this is in no way intended to romanticise these issues... it's only an outlet for me to talk about my problems

25 Nov 2021

Its kinda feel lonely lately

you know... its been...
i dunno 3-4 days?

since last time i working on new feature for this website...

i kinda burnt out from programming...
soo...i get back doing some art stuff...

but yeah.. its also been a while i didnt draw anything...
i feel my drawing skill just gone...
i cant draw anything decent...

so im thinking just going back to the beginning...
start again from bottom...

and just slowly regain my skill back...

my initial plan is try to re learn
how i draw head at different angle first..

i start with a common 3/4 facing...
i draw a same head for like 2-3 days...

here a some preview what i draw...

Click Image to view HD version

i draw them every once a while... not all at once
so i have fresh view what part i didnt really like

i was really struggle with eye placement at first...
i was doing it in hurry and skip a few steps...

then i start to draw all the foundation...
and it works really well...

later on i get better and better each iteration
and also much stable...

it was worth it to re learn this way...

but after that... i just get bored...
it still one angel but meh... im bored

so i start a big one..
i try to do the same... but now its a full body...

i just draw like 3 if i remember correctly...
and get bored again...

Click Image to view HD version

but i do get better after that...

then i just screw it...
lets try this "new skill" that i got from re learn

then i draw this...

Click Image to view HD version

im also discovered that i can use circle ruler...
i didnt know that feature exist..
i use that to make the round shield...


well... this is not the topic that i want to write...
i just want to include my progress a few days ago...

you see...
i feel bit lonely recently...
well not recently... just this past few weeks...

i dunno i think i just feel stress or what...
i still have no clue....
i never felt lonely like this before...

you see... rarely talk to my friend now days...
it feels like they in different world now...
and i just cant reach them anymore...
its weird right...

but no worries...
i still got my online friends..

uhm...
well... to be honest...

i rarely chat to other people...
usually i hang out in a fb group
discuss and comment lot of stuff...
it still count as communicating tho...

i was alone for a really long time...
i never felt like this...
its also weird that i start feeling it just now...

i dunno how to get rid of it...

i try to not thinking about it...


i try to do some gaming...
hope to forget all this wierd feeling...
maybe i got better... just be careful to not pick competitive game...
it my ruin my day even worst..

i didnt do much gaming...
because i always have mindset to do productive stuff instead of gaming...
well it also because i cant control my addict...
after i got into certain game... i just cant stop...

whatever game it is...
heck even i tetris back then...
it just completely waste all my time...

ok back to topic...
i tried play rune factory 3...
just casually continue my old save file...

i start a new gameplay few months ago...
tried to beat all sharance maze in hard mode...

today i try to continue that save file...
i havent marry any girl yet...
but i alredy deep in sharence maze... im also at lvl 124

so i thought why not progress more on the girls....
im going to kuruna path... i play a bit...
and got into where i unlock dragon cave...

it was funny because at this level it already way far in late game...
and im just recently open dragon cave now...

so i took i screenshoot and post it to my fb...
because it was funny... for me and maybe
some other 2 my friends that understand the game...

a few minutes later i got comment...
it said kinda like this...
"it insane how you not get bored replaying this game"

which is true... i already beat this game multiple time
i even lost count how many time i replay it...
its also weird why i not get bored...

meh... im really into the RF Series anyway...
so its common i guess??...

but its make me thinks...
why wasting time like this...
what am i doing...

so here i am... writing this weblog...
and maybe also implement some new feature that currently in my mind...

oh right...
im forget.. i want to talk about this new game i play a few weeks ago
i was trying hollow knight okay...

it was really fun game...
i know one of my friend really into this..

so i share some screenshoot...
he was exited that i tried hollow knight...

i though maybe im gonna use this opportunity
to talk to him more... so i know him better...

so that what i did...

i share my experience playing hollow knight...
basically just tell him what i did...
and what i discovered... it was fun...

everytime i got stuck, or just didnt understand...
i tried to ask what should i do..

until where i think i was disturbing him while he was bussy...

he softly try to say this to me
"using google also a thing you know..."
then he just send me a full map of hollow knight...

thats... when i realize i was disturbing him...
i havent talk to him again since then or play hollow knight...

i havent apology too...

sorry... i know everybody bussy nowdays
i should realize that sooner...


whoaa....
i didnt expect to turn out this way...

i was trying to write why im lonely...
but endup with this wierd story about my day...

but im glad i write this...

i guess...now know why im feeling this wierd feeling...
after re read all of my writing... its now clear..

its not because of my lack communication...

its because i was loosing friend...
both from real and online friend...

i know what i should do now...

im gonna try to talk to them again...
and apology to my hollow kinght friend...

and hope i can get rid of this lonely feeling...
its really affect my mental and also my productivity...

welp... i dunno what i should say...
talking isnt my things okay...

i hope they didnt mad at me for not talking to them for a while...
i cant catch up with their topics anymore...

maybe i should do research first... so i get some context
for what they are talking about...

i dunno....
but im gonna try it anyway...

24 Nov 2021

I Need to clean my room

ok...
its been like 2-3 month since last time i clean up my room
you know.. its not really messy...
but still it kinda dirty...

and a few days ago...
i got some ant problem...
just a general little small ant

i saw a few ant walk around my working desk...
im just ignore it...

for a few days later...
now more ant walk frequently in my desk...

it got even worse....
i also spotted them on my bed too...

its getting out of hand...
its also annoying when they climb to my body
and sometime bite...

i gotta start cleaning tomorrow...

22 Nov 2021

I Really Hate Mosquito

I Really Hate Mosquito

i lived in tropical tropical climate... there are only two season here... dry and rainy season... right now it is rainy...

i hate this season because not only it rain every day... but also there are lot of mosquito... if i didnt close all door and window at 5pm... mosquito will roam all over the house... it is really annoying... even if i close all door... there are still mosquito...

yess... i already use mosquite repel... in fact i use it every day... i dont know if i bought a fake repel or just the mosquito are resistant to the repel... it doesnt work sometimes...

if the repel doesnt work i use my fan... no its not a ceiling fan... it is a standing fan... and its a tall one...its like 80% of my height. it does the job to make mosquito away from me... but you see... in rainy season its can be really cold... and using fan in a cold temperature is a no no...

sometimes i really want to buy zapper racquet... but i hate swing it around... please just leave my blood alone...


19 Nov 2021

Welcome to the new Layout


Welcome to the new Layout

Intro

Helloo... its been long time since my last weblog... i made like a huge change to the site... i dont know where i should start...

ok lets start from the engine... im not using hugo anymore... because how annoying it is to make custom layout for different type of post...

now im build my own build tools... im using gulp to do the build task... for the template engine im using mustache... combined with front matter like jekyll... im also can call script using block content inside mustache... it is really powerful... i have full control of everything now...

i also can resize image just like in hugo... it is really handy to compress image size... i try to automate anything like listing weblog... listing buttons & blinkies... anything... the possibilities is endless. the only downside is.. it kinda tricky to setup live reload when working on it

for the javascript... im still not sure what i should use... i kinda want to use typescript... but it really pain to type all the class type.. i mean it is typescript after all... but i still want to use fancy ES6 style... my plan is using browserify... i hate webpack... it is to bloated... browserify is may way to go... yeah...im still need to work on content first before start writing some fancy javascript :D

the backend really interesting... you know i really hate php... but i have no choice... so i got this cool micro but powerful rest api framework called leaf ... i really like how simple it is... and it is still maintained... which is great... many micro rest api framework for php are no longer maintained or just to bloated to be called micro... the only problem is leaf only support mysql if im not mistaken... so i use different framework for the database... im using the good old Medoo... i use that way back when i still learning php for the first time... it is really simple... i love it... but i still hate php


The new layout

aight... now for the layout... it is really cool and cute... i really love it... im also install realtime clock on the upper right... i know i should work on the content first before doing fancy javascript... i just cant hold it... i really want to start doing cool stuff...

you may also noticed that the site is no longer responsive... well yess.. it is on purpose... i mean majority site on neocities are not responsive and have that old web vibe.... i want to try it... and sure... im not regret it at all...

its still not finish yet... i still want to add more small icon here and there... i just didnt have enough time to do it... im still like doing refactoring all content from old layout to the new layout... and it is not just as simple as copy paste... it is run on a different engine... i need to convert it manually... well.. some of them are automated... but still need a little tweak...

this layout are actually inspired from lot of site in neocities... so yeah... it is not original at all... in fact this kind of layout are common in neocities...


ok thats all i want to type... i still need to work on the site... adding more content and stuff... i really happy that im moving from hugo and just make my own build tools....

see you on the next weblog

12 Nov 2021

Plan for Future

This website turn out to be too much bloated...
this is not what im planning to make...

Melody Gigant Hotsprings supposed to be my archive website...
this is where im gonna put all my Rune Factory stuff...

i start implementing blog post...
most of the time im just write about myself...
nothing to do with Rune Factory...

originally i want to share some kind of Rune Factory walkthrough...
but there are already plenty of them....

soo i just turn it to blog post...
now... it just full of random things...

ok here is the plan...
i want to move all blog post to a different site...
yess... lets make 2 website why not...

From now on...
Melody Gigant Hotsprings gonna be my all RF Fanart collection only...
and all the blog post gonna moved to a new website...

i still havent come up with a good name for the new website..
but i already picturing what style im gonna use..

i want to make like old school website layout...
recently i found my old project when im starting learn html stuff...
it is really old project...

it is just simple experiment for learning how to use css...
i called it blackCSS... really fancy right...

im gonna use that as a base style... its kinda cool tho...
as for the domain im just gonna create subdomain in melody.my.id...

08 Nov 2021

I Did It

i already make some serious commitment yesterday...
i want to go back to my old schedule...

and i did it...
today was a great success...
i managed to do lot of progress in one single long session...
about six hours i guess...

i was working on drawing some art stuff...
it is a big project...
and it also have bigger canvas size than im used to...

i didn't want to spoil what it is...
you'll see when it is done...

it is not a commision.. it just personal project...
it is absolutely wonderful...
i am still cant believe i made a really cool sketch....

but... i am not sure if it is will be as good as the sketch when it is done lmao...

ohh yeah...
i don't think i wanna upload it on social media...when it is done...
there is some issue tho...
maybe ill upload to facebook after a month or so...

ok....

soo...
now i have plenty of free time...
i don't know what should i do...

definitely not gaming...
ill strict myself gaming only on weekend and holiday...

hmm.....
ok....
there is something i want to do...
a few days later raylib got new update i guess...
it is version 4.0 if im not mistaken...

this framework already on my radar since it is version 2.0...
i never use raylib...
mainly because im not experienced with c/c++

i do playaround with c++ a while back...
making some homebrew for nds...

i never think to use c++ to make some real project...
but now... im really interested for what raylib offer...

i may give it a try...
it will be fun i guess...
and also i never install c/c++ compiler in windows...

usually i use linux...
but now im switching to windows...for some reason...
in linux i just use g++... in windows it is called mingw i guess...

yeah... it is windows..
it should be more friendly to install stuff.. maybe...

ohh yeah...
and i hope i keep my commitment for tomorrow too...
ill try...

07 Nov 2021

I Cant Stop Playing Games

Its been 2 month exactly...
i didn't do lot of productive stuff...

i just keep playing stupid games...
i cant stop... it is too addicting...

usually i have a schedule for what i am gonna do...
either it programming or drawing some art...

i also have schedule...
i call it session... every day i must do a session

at first i do it at one long session...
around 6 hours per session...
sometimes 8 hours if i really in a good mood...

it is bit stressful...and i got tired easily...
but it got the job done like what i expected...

then... i slice it to half, 2 session per day...
3 hours per session... i didn't time it precisely...
it just like minimal hours that i must do...
yeah... sometimes it can be longer like 4 hours...

usually i take a break in between session...
around 1-2 hours... depending on how tired i am...
i use this break time for a walk or eat something...
but later on i used this break for playing game
this is the problem... and also the start of my gaming addiction...

after a long time...
i get used to take a break when working on something....
i started to think like this...
ohh...it is one session done...i can do the rest on the next session...
and just stop and playing game...

you see... this is not a good habit...

after a while...
i want more break time...
more like... i want more gaming time....
soo....

i slice my session even more... into 4 session...
1.5 hours per session....
just to play a stupid game...

you may think...
why not try to not playing game when you havent finish all session

simply put... i cant...
i already used to play game between each session...
and i getting addicted...

if you wondering what game is it...
it is just a stupid moba type game...
i am really dumb...
i even spent real money on that game...

i cant stop playing...
my mind just keep thinking lets play once...
every single time when i have some spare time

this is getting worse...
i said 4 session...

but in reality i just do 2-3 session instead...
and yess.... only 1.5 hours... sometime only 1 hour...
and just playing game for the rest of the day

this is bad...
i doing less and less productive now...

i try to get back on my schedule just do all in
one single session six hours...

you know what...

im gonna do it...

im gonna delete all...
all my games...

i dont care...
it is just a stupid game after all...

im gonna do it now...
im pressing it noww...

just give me a moment...

ok...all done...
clear...

starting tomorrow...
noo.... starting today...

im gonna work hard getting back to my old schedule...
no more game...
wish me luck...

04 Nov 2021

Playing Around With 3d Engine

i was playing around with 3d engine lately...
it was really fun...

there is lot of terms that i didn't understand...
im using Away3D port OpenFL...
this engine was originally from flash...

it is old and unmaintaned... but still kinda powerful enough to play around...

the reason i use this engine is because i already familiar with openfl...
since i used to code a lot in flash back in the day
then after flash died i switch to haxe and use openfl...

the other reason is i can easily export my project to multiple platform...

there is other 3d engine that still maintained in haxe called Heaps.io....
the problem with this is... it kinda hard to export to mobile...

it is possible but you need to build it yourself...
im not a pro in that field... so i pick openfl which take care all of building and just give me the final result...

im still not quite understand how to imagine the vector3d...
it is simple when there is only X and Y axis..
but now there is Z axis which make thing kinda confusing

here is the simple scene that i follow from the tutorial...

Click Image to view HD version

from this simple scene i learn a lot...
first is how light work...

now i understand what is ambient, specular, and density in lighting
from what i understand
ambient is minimal light the object should have...
specular is the shiny thingy on the object...
and density is the light level of the light itself

feel free to correct me...

the thing that i didn't understand is why material and light object have those property?
this is the problem when you use 3d engine without the scene editor...

you cant actually change the variable and see what changes...
i plan to make simple ui like slider maybe to change some property...
so i can see modify the property at runtime...

next is some texture type...
there is lot of texture type that i use in that scene...

there is bitmap texture which is just an bitmap image in general...
then spectular map... and if im correct... is just to map where spectular should happend in texture...
black color mean no spectular...
and lastly normal map... this is the most interesting of all texture...

it is determine how light should interact with object...
kinda like bend the light so it make illusion that there is some depth in the object...

before i learn 3d... i though normal map was some kind of black magic to easily shape 3d model...
no... it just how light will interact with the object itself...

next i want to try import 3d model...

because this is some old engine...
fbx format isn't fully supported yet...

instead im gonna use obj format for static model and md5 for animation...
for the texture it will be process manually from in the runtime...

dont worry...this is exactly what i want to do...
im planning to process material myself...

there is awd format actually which is exclusive for this engine...
it can store a full scene... like all the geometry, material, light, etc...

the reason i didnt use that is...
the file size is quite big for a simple scene...

ok now lets try make a simple 3d model...
i use blender 2.79...

uhmm... yeah.. i use old blender...
my laptop cant handle the newer version of blender lmao...
2.79 is the most recent that i can use without too much lag...

luckily i have some experience using blender back in the day...
lets use a default monkey head from blender...
the export it to obj file...

for the texture i just bake i simple ambient light...
and save it to png...

finally just parse the data to the away3d...
and boom you get a monke

Click Image to view HD version

wow... that was a really fun experience...
it is hard to make 3d scene without the scene editor lmao...

maybe im gonna try install unity or godot instead...
yeah hopefully my laptop can handle those big engine...

03 Nov 2021

The Process of Designing Layout

Ok its time to work on the other section...
currently... there is only 2 section...

both share the same layout... a simple single post page...

now i want to work on Art Gallery Section
this require a new layout both for single page and for listing...

usually when designing a layout...
im just drawing a rough sketch for what im gonna do...
listen... im not a pro lmao...
i just use whatever i think its work okayy...

here is some basic rough sketch for what im gonna do for the lisitng layout

Click Image to view HD version

its a bit different than my approach with the normal post listing...
i want to have a subsection... in this case year

while in the Art Gallery Section...
i want to list all subsection and some of the content from that section...

and if you click view more
im gonna list more of the content with the pagination...

as for the image box...
i took lot of inspiration from other art gallery website...
this is what im come up with...

Click Image to view HD version

the title only visible when mouse hover into the box...
i think that gonna look cool...

oh yeah... for the view count... it is not working yet...
i need to make the counter first...
this is will be implemented later... when i am working on comment system

lastly for the post page layout itself...
i just edit from the normal post page layout...

the only different was it support multiple images...
more meta tags...
and rating system...

of course rating system wont be available right now...
this will come later with the view counter...

and that's it... Art Gallery section is up and running...
i am planning to include all my art i made that i can found...
from back in the day... when i am starting drawing to this day...

ok that's the art gallery

now i want to do some changes with normal layout...
making this subsection make me want to add subsection too to the normal listing...

maybe adding year and month would be a good idea...

then for the post layout...
instead of showing next and prev post on the bottom of the page...

i want to show similar post instead...
maybe like 4-5 listing post

the first would be prev post and the second would be next post...
the rest would be random post from either the same section or same tags

i still wanna talk about the comment system...
but this post already long enough...
and maybe comment system deserve its own post...

03 Nov 2021

I Think Im Just Tired

yesterday... i am feeling really weird...
i dunno my head just feel really dizzy...
also i got eyestrain...

i didn't do much yesterday...
i spent my day drawing yesterday...

i think that the cause...
my eyes just stare at the screen too much...
and maybe i am just tired in general...

anyway after a good healthy amount of hours sleeping
i am feeling great today...

but i do wake up bit late than usual...
i did wake up early.. but i still feel a little bit eyestrain...
so i took another few hours sleep hehe...

now everything is finee...ready to back on track...
just remember too not overdo it like yesterday