Hi there.... this site is still under construction so some of the pages are still missing and nothing is final

Diary

this page is a sort of online diary where i share my thoughts, feelings and interests... be warned that i will talk about topics that may trigger some people like self harm and other mental illness related things... this is in no way intended to romanticise these issues... it's only an outlet for me to talk about my problems

12 Dec 2021

Take a break

Oh hi...

sorry its been a while since my last post...
lot of things happend...

im also havent start working on the chatbox too...

ok last week i was planning to work on chatbox...
i already make the base...

then the next day...on december first
i realized... i dont have money left...
like im really broke...

my internet to will run out at 4th dec...
i freak out...

then i just post a emergency public art commission...
i didnt do public commision on november...
usually i do open at least once in a month...

luckily i got 4 client with total of 6 character...
that really solve my money issue for a while...

i renew my internet bill and also bought a SSD...
yess.. ssd... i guess its time already...

i bought a ssd and it arrive yesterday...
this is my first ever ssd...

i really freak out when its arrive...
because it is like really lightweight...
i though it was a fake lmao....

i even ask it to some of my friends to confirm it lmao...

but yeah... that ssd run really well on my machine...
i install my linux live persistence into it...
and now it became my main OS....

after doing art commision i just have fun doing some programming stuff
i get back to nds homebrew again...

i improve my bad apple port...
last time i only got it running for 30fps...
now i tried to run it on 60fps...

it is completely failure...
there is some glitchy...
but it run...
im gonna make dedicated post to explain that later....

anyway... im tired now....
im gonna take some break from working on new stuff for this website...
that mean the chatbox still need to be delayed....

i want to do some simple stuff on this end of the year....
im gonna get back on cool stuff next year...

im also need to start think what i want to do next year...

28 Nov 2021

Working on The Chatbox

yess... ive been waiting for this...

i do bunch of optimization on the build process...
just to prepare for working on chatbox...

but...
before i get into that...

let me write things i been doing a few days agoo...
its not a really productive days...
but it still a progress...

ok... where i should start...

lets start from art...
i still doing the same things as before...
relearn and try different technique...
this time im practice on front view head...

its kinda tricky... i still cant get consistent look...
still struggle on the eyes placement...
but its getting better...
im still gonna grind more on front view head...

Click Image to view HD version

its kinda hard because i try to use generic anime looking style now...
instead of my style that i usually use...

give me another few days...
and i should be ready to start open commission for that style...
its been a while i havent open public commission...

ok next... on the website itself...
well kinda... its actually the build process

its far more optimized now...
i utilize cache... make different task for dev and productive mode...
and lot of other minor changes...

i used really old laptop
previously i need to wait like 5-10sec just to modify small text
its really slow and painful...

now it just take a couple second... even ms sometimes...
depend on how complex is the page

i also use browser-sync for live reload now...
it is far more easier to setup...


there is still a few feature that i havent optimize it yet...
mainly is the global mustache config...

this config hold all the global variable and function for mustache...
mustache is the template engine that i used...

a page... like this weblog page for example...
its come in a raw mustache file...
which then need to be process by the mustache....

mustache replace any variable/function with an actual value...
some function is kinda heavy and blocking...

the most heavy function right now is the image manipulation...
i used this a lot to resize image on the fly....

i used npm package called Jimp
it is slow af... and it also blocking...
i think its can be used async but im not sure... i forgot...

how this function work basically like this...
i input image path with some value to change, width for example
then this function process the image and return the new resized path...

that is what i need... a resized path...
if i can just return the resized path immediately...
and just run the image process in the parallel...
that sure gonna change a lot...

but that a problem for future me...
i already do lot of optimization, kinda bored...
present me right now wanna work on chatbox instead....


ok the chatbox...
i built a chatbox before... but it just really simple and barebone
im still scared because im not really sure if i can make it
safe and secure... plus im gonna use php...
the language that i rally hate...

you know... you cant just trust internet that way...
i need to do lot of research on security first...

i mean i already know some basic stuff...
but i would take any precaution that available...

ok enough for those backend nonsense....
lets start design some layout...
the placeholder box you see on the bottom right
is where im gonna put the chatbox...

this gonna be chatbox without profile...
so anyone can straight send chat

there will be no name input...
anonymous chat only...link also not allowed....
maybe im gonna allow neocities subdomain only...

im doing this because i didnt want to log any private information...
im not really confident with my programming skill...
it could be stolen... who know...

there is also a choice to use an existing service...
but nah... i want to make my own...

this is the layout that i came up with...

Click Image to view HD version

there gonna be some feature for this chatbox...
the green circle is the avatar..
when clicked... it will randomly generated avatar...
the blue one is sticker...this will open small popup
and the yellow is scroll down...
new message will appear on the bottom...
so when user scroll up this button will show up for quick access

there is also bubble chat that represent the chat itself...
the avatar current user chat will show up on the right side...
while other avatar chat will show on the left side...

nothing special..
just like the generic chat layout....

i didnt quite like the layout
so this might change later...

i mean it still sketch... who know...
maybe im gonna like it when its done...

but now im happy to officially start working
on this chatbox feature....


oh yeah...
this bit hilarious.. but
also i broke my mouse yesterday...

the left click are completely broken....
sometime it click.. sometime doesn't...
sometime it even double click...

the most annoying thing is when dragging
and it just cancel in between...

this is old cheap votre mouse...
yeah really cheap mouse...
it cost Rp.10.000 or under $1 lmaoo....

i got this mouse free from buying standard cheap keyboard...
its been i dunno 2 year i guess...

i order new mouse... bit better...
logitech b100... yeah i know another cheap one...
but it much better than this small votre lmaoo..
i read some feedback and this mouse is awesome...
it should be arrive tomorrow.... cant wait...

i hate using trackpad... so i still use this votre mouse..
but i use the trackpad for left click....

such a wierd control... but it works....

26 Nov 2021

Redirect my domain to neocities

I have my own webhost and domain...
its is really cheap and powerful

i rent it around Rp.60.000/Year
or around $4.20/year...

i got full unlimited bandwith...
but only 256mb storage...
which is more than enough for my small website

its really cheap... and this webhost
allow me to use php which i can use to make
some simple backend...

the only problem is it doesnt include
any deployment feature... not even ssh access...

its kinda tricky to setup auto deploy
with only ftp transfer...

then i found about neocities...
it got huge community which is great
but it only host static site...

i also need to pay $5/month to use my own domain
in neocities... i cant pay that much...

so for this past few month i just use
my webhost as a main website...
and neocities for a mirror...

my webhost location is in Indonesia...
this is where i lived... it load much faster
than neocities...

now i at the point where i want to implement
some web analytics service....

this is gonna be problem since i got two
different website...

its now time to make decision...
which website should i use for my analytics...
i can add both but i just gonna make things difficult

after some thinking...

i think im gonna use neocities as the main website instead...

it got fast cdn for multiple country... have more storage...
and a huge community... it also got simple web statistic built in...

im gonna still keep my webhost to host all the backend stuff...
and use neocities as the frontend...

as for the domain melody.my.id ... im gonna redirect all
traffic to the neocities domain...

i think its is a good decision...

25 Nov 2021

Its kinda feel lonely lately

you know... its been...
i dunno 3-4 days?

since last time i working on new feature for this website...

i kinda burnt out from programming...
soo...i get back doing some art stuff...

but yeah.. its also been a while i didnt draw anything...
i feel my drawing skill just gone...
i cant draw anything decent...

so im thinking just going back to the beginning...
start again from bottom...

and just slowly regain my skill back...

my initial plan is try to re learn
how i draw head at different angle first..

i start with a common 3/4 facing...
i draw a same head for like 2-3 days...

here a some preview what i draw...

Click Image to view HD version

i draw them every once a while... not all at once
so i have fresh view what part i didnt really like

i was really struggle with eye placement at first...
i was doing it in hurry and skip a few steps...

then i start to draw all the foundation...
and it works really well...

later on i get better and better each iteration
and also much stable...

it was worth it to re learn this way...

but after that... i just get bored...
it still one angel but meh... im bored

so i start a big one..
i try to do the same... but now its a full body...

i just draw like 3 if i remember correctly...
and get bored again...

Click Image to view HD version

but i do get better after that...

then i just screw it...
lets try this "new skill" that i got from re learn

then i draw this...

Click Image to view HD version

im also discovered that i can use circle ruler...
i didnt know that feature exist..
i use that to make the round shield...


well... this is not the topic that i want to write...
i just want to include my progress a few days ago...

you see...
i feel bit lonely recently...
well not recently... just this past few weeks...

i dunno i think i just feel stress or what...
i still have no clue....
i never felt lonely like this before...

you see... rarely talk to my friend now days...
it feels like they in different world now...
and i just cant reach them anymore...
its weird right...

but no worries...
i still got my online friends..

uhm...
well... to be honest...

i rarely chat to other people...
usually i hang out in a fb group
discuss and comment lot of stuff...
it still count as communicating tho...

i was alone for a really long time...
i never felt like this...
its also weird that i start feeling it just now...

i dunno how to get rid of it...

i try to not thinking about it...


i try to do some gaming...
hope to forget all this wierd feeling...
maybe i got better... just be careful to not pick competitive game...
it my ruin my day even worst..

i didnt do much gaming...
because i always have mindset to do productive stuff instead of gaming...
well it also because i cant control my addict...
after i got into certain game... i just cant stop...

whatever game it is...
heck even i tetris back then...
it just completely waste all my time...

ok back to topic...
i tried play rune factory 3...
just casually continue my old save file...

i start a new gameplay few months ago...
tried to beat all sharance maze in hard mode...

today i try to continue that save file...
i havent marry any girl yet...
but i alredy deep in sharence maze... im also at lvl 124

so i thought why not progress more on the girls....
im going to kuruna path... i play a bit...
and got into where i unlock dragon cave...

it was funny because at this level it already way far in late game...
and im just recently open dragon cave now...

so i took i screenshoot and post it to my fb...
because it was funny... for me and maybe
some other 2 my friends that understand the game...

a few minutes later i got comment...
it said kinda like this...
"it insane how you not get bored replaying this game"

which is true... i already beat this game multiple time
i even lost count how many time i replay it...
its also weird why i not get bored...

meh... im really into the RF Series anyway...
so its common i guess??...

but its make me thinks...
why wasting time like this...
what am i doing...

so here i am... writing this weblog...
and maybe also implement some new feature that currently in my mind...

oh right...
im forget.. i want to talk about this new game i play a few weeks ago
i was trying hollow knight okay...

it was really fun game...
i know one of my friend really into this..

so i share some screenshoot...
he was exited that i tried hollow knight...

i though maybe im gonna use this opportunity
to talk to him more... so i know him better...

so that what i did...

i share my experience playing hollow knight...
basically just tell him what i did...
and what i discovered... it was fun...

everytime i got stuck, or just didnt understand...
i tried to ask what should i do..

until where i think i was disturbing him while he was bussy...

he softly try to say this to me
"using google also a thing you know..."
then he just send me a full map of hollow knight...

thats... when i realize i was disturbing him...
i havent talk to him again since then or play hollow knight...

i havent apology too...

sorry... i know everybody bussy nowdays
i should realize that sooner...


whoaa....
i didnt expect to turn out this way...

i was trying to write why im lonely...
but endup with this wierd story about my day...

but im glad i write this...

i guess...now know why im feeling this wierd feeling...
after re read all of my writing... its now clear..

its not because of my lack communication...

its because i was loosing friend...
both from real and online friend...

i know what i should do now...

im gonna try to talk to them again...
and apology to my hollow kinght friend...

and hope i can get rid of this lonely feeling...
its really affect my mental and also my productivity...

welp... i dunno what i should say...
talking isnt my things okay...

i hope they didnt mad at me for not talking to them for a while...
i cant catch up with their topics anymore...

maybe i should do research first... so i get some context
for what they are talking about...

i dunno....
but im gonna try it anyway...

24 Nov 2021

I Need to clean my room

ok...
its been like 2-3 month since last time i clean up my room
you know.. its not really messy...
but still it kinda dirty...

and a few days ago...
i got some ant problem...
just a general little small ant

i saw a few ant walk around my working desk...
im just ignore it...

for a few days later...
now more ant walk frequently in my desk...

it got even worse....
i also spotted them on my bed too...

its getting out of hand...
its also annoying when they climb to my body
and sometime bite...

i gotta start cleaning tomorrow...

22 Nov 2021

I Really Hate Mosquito

I Really Hate Mosquito

i lived in tropical tropical climate... there are only two season here... dry and rainy season... right now it is rainy...

i hate this season because not only it rain every day... but also there are lot of mosquito... if i didnt close all door and window at 5pm... mosquito will roam all over the house... it is really annoying... even if i close all door... there are still mosquito...

yess... i already use mosquite repel... in fact i use it every day... i dont know if i bought a fake repel or just the mosquito are resistant to the repel... it doesnt work sometimes...

if the repel doesnt work i use my fan... no its not a ceiling fan... it is a standing fan... and its a tall one...its like 80% of my height. it does the job to make mosquito away from me... but you see... in rainy season its can be really cold... and using fan in a cold temperature is a no no...

sometimes i really want to buy zapper racquet... but i hate swing it around... please just leave my blood alone...


19 Nov 2021

Welcome to the new Layout


Welcome to the new Layout

Intro

Helloo... its been long time since my last weblog... i made like a huge change to the site... i dont know where i should start...

ok lets start from the engine... im not using hugo anymore... because how annoying it is to make custom layout for different type of post...

now im build my own build tools... im using gulp to do the build task... for the template engine im using mustache... combined with front matter like jekyll... im also can call script using block content inside mustache... it is really powerful... i have full control of everything now...

i also can resize image just like in hugo... it is really handy to compress image size... i try to automate anything like listing weblog... listing buttons & blinkies... anything... the possibilities is endless. the only downside is.. it kinda tricky to setup live reload when working on it

for the javascript... im still not sure what i should use... i kinda want to use typescript... but it really pain to type all the class type.. i mean it is typescript after all... but i still want to use fancy ES6 style... my plan is using browserify... i hate webpack... it is to bloated... browserify is may way to go... yeah...im still need to work on content first before start writing some fancy javascript :D

the backend really interesting... you know i really hate php... but i have no choice... so i got this cool micro but powerful rest api framework called leaf ... i really like how simple it is... and it is still maintained... which is great... many micro rest api framework for php are no longer maintained or just to bloated to be called micro... the only problem is leaf only support mysql if im not mistaken... so i use different framework for the database... im using the good old Medoo... i use that way back when i still learning php for the first time... it is really simple... i love it... but i still hate php


The new layout

aight... now for the layout... it is really cool and cute... i really love it... im also install realtime clock on the upper right... i know i should work on the content first before doing fancy javascript... i just cant hold it... i really want to start doing cool stuff...

you may also noticed that the site is no longer responsive... well yess.. it is on purpose... i mean majority site on neocities are not responsive and have that old web vibe.... i want to try it... and sure... im not regret it at all...

its still not finish yet... i still want to add more small icon here and there... i just didnt have enough time to do it... im still like doing refactoring all content from old layout to the new layout... and it is not just as simple as copy paste... it is run on a different engine... i need to convert it manually... well.. some of them are automated... but still need a little tweak...

this layout are actually inspired from lot of site in neocities... so yeah... it is not original at all... in fact this kind of layout are common in neocities...


ok thats all i want to type... i still need to work on the site... adding more content and stuff... i really happy that im moving from hugo and just make my own build tools....

see you on the next weblog

12 Nov 2021

Plan for Future

This website turn out to be too much bloated...
this is not what im planning to make...

Melody Gigant Hotsprings supposed to be my archive website...
this is where im gonna put all my Rune Factory stuff...

i start implementing blog post...
most of the time im just write about myself...
nothing to do with Rune Factory...

originally i want to share some kind of Rune Factory walkthrough...
but there are already plenty of them....

soo i just turn it to blog post...
now... it just full of random things...

ok here is the plan...
i want to move all blog post to a different site...
yess... lets make 2 website why not...

From now on...
Melody Gigant Hotsprings gonna be my all RF Fanart collection only...
and all the blog post gonna moved to a new website...

i still havent come up with a good name for the new website..
but i already picturing what style im gonna use..

i want to make like old school website layout...
recently i found my old project when im starting learn html stuff...
it is really old project...

it is just simple experiment for learning how to use css...
i called it blackCSS... really fancy right...

im gonna use that as a base style... its kinda cool tho...
as for the domain im just gonna create subdomain in melody.my.id...

08 Nov 2021

I Did It

i already make some serious commitment yesterday...
i want to go back to my old schedule...

and i did it...
today was a great success...
i managed to do lot of progress in one single long session...
about six hours i guess...

i was working on drawing some art stuff...
it is a big project...
and it also have bigger canvas size than im used to...

i didn't want to spoil what it is...
you'll see when it is done...

it is not a commision.. it just personal project...
it is absolutely wonderful...
i am still cant believe i made a really cool sketch....

but... i am not sure if it is will be as good as the sketch when it is done lmao...

ohh yeah...
i don't think i wanna upload it on social media...when it is done...
there is some issue tho...
maybe ill upload to facebook after a month or so...

ok....

soo...
now i have plenty of free time...
i don't know what should i do...

definitely not gaming...
ill strict myself gaming only on weekend and holiday...

hmm.....
ok....
there is something i want to do...
a few days later raylib got new update i guess...
it is version 4.0 if im not mistaken...

this framework already on my radar since it is version 2.0...
i never use raylib...
mainly because im not experienced with c/c++

i do playaround with c++ a while back...
making some homebrew for nds...

i never think to use c++ to make some real project...
but now... im really interested for what raylib offer...

i may give it a try...
it will be fun i guess...
and also i never install c/c++ compiler in windows...

usually i use linux...
but now im switching to windows...for some reason...
in linux i just use g++... in windows it is called mingw i guess...

yeah... it is windows..
it should be more friendly to install stuff.. maybe...

ohh yeah...
and i hope i keep my commitment for tomorrow too...
ill try...

07 Nov 2021

I Cant Stop Playing Games

Its been 2 month exactly...
i didn't do lot of productive stuff...

i just keep playing stupid games...
i cant stop... it is too addicting...

usually i have a schedule for what i am gonna do...
either it programming or drawing some art...

i also have schedule...
i call it session... every day i must do a session

at first i do it at one long session...
around 6 hours per session...
sometimes 8 hours if i really in a good mood...

it is bit stressful...and i got tired easily...
but it got the job done like what i expected...

then... i slice it to half, 2 session per day...
3 hours per session... i didn't time it precisely...
it just like minimal hours that i must do...
yeah... sometimes it can be longer like 4 hours...

usually i take a break in between session...
around 1-2 hours... depending on how tired i am...
i use this break time for a walk or eat something...
but later on i used this break for playing game
this is the problem... and also the start of my gaming addiction...

after a long time...
i get used to take a break when working on something....
i started to think like this...
ohh...it is one session done...i can do the rest on the next session...
and just stop and playing game...

you see... this is not a good habit...

after a while...
i want more break time...
more like... i want more gaming time....
soo....

i slice my session even more... into 4 session...
1.5 hours per session....
just to play a stupid game...

you may think...
why not try to not playing game when you havent finish all session

simply put... i cant...
i already used to play game between each session...
and i getting addicted...

if you wondering what game is it...
it is just a stupid moba type game...
i am really dumb...
i even spent real money on that game...

i cant stop playing...
my mind just keep thinking lets play once...
every single time when i have some spare time

this is getting worse...
i said 4 session...

but in reality i just do 2-3 session instead...
and yess.... only 1.5 hours... sometime only 1 hour...
and just playing game for the rest of the day

this is bad...
i doing less and less productive now...

i try to get back on my schedule just do all in
one single session six hours...

you know what...

im gonna do it...

im gonna delete all...
all my games...

i dont care...
it is just a stupid game after all...

im gonna do it now...
im pressing it noww...

just give me a moment...

ok...all done...
clear...

starting tomorrow...
noo.... starting today...

im gonna work hard getting back to my old schedule...
no more game...
wish me luck...